Michaela Fitzgerald

Transition to success
October 5, 2009 by davidfougere

Some people are surprised to learn that my family’s six au pairs have all been “in-country transfer” au pairs. That is, they have all come to our home after a short time as an au pair with another family. The truth is, we have found many benefits to welcoming au pairs that are already in the United States: 1) We have met each of them in person before inviting them to join our family. 2) It generally takes less time from finalizing our match to our au pair’s arrival in our home (sometimes as little as a week.) 3) We have had the option to consider au pairs with different lengths of time remaining on their visas—which often works better with our personal schedules. For these and many other reasons, host parents are discovering that “in-country transfers” are a good option. For us, they just work out.

To be fair, though, it is true that all of our au pairs didn’t work out in their first placement. Our first au pair had a tattoo that her family found objectionable and resulted in her having to move. We live in chilly New England, so we never actually saw it. The host parents of another of our au pairs felt that she was not up to the challenge of caring for their three children under three. The au pair, realizing she was in over her head, did her best while staying long enough for the family to find a replacement and then moved to our home. At the time, our son was 2, and he blossomed under that au pair’s one-to-one care and attention. Yet another of our au pairs butted heads regularly with one of her host children in her first family, a ten-year old girl. When it turned out that the situation was not workable in the long term, the parents and the au pair decided to call it quits. When we picked up our new au pair, the young girl triumphantly proclaimed “Victory!” to us as we loaded her bags into our car.

Every family has different values, childcare needs and parenting styles. One family may view a particular au pair as a “disaster” (I have heard families actually use this word!) but when that au pair moves to a new home she can find great success. Likewise, one au pair may be overwhelmed and frustrated by the hectic pace of a specific family, their changing schedule and unstructured environment, while another may feel completely at ease there and enjoy the “dynamic” home environment. Despite their false starts in their first placements, our own au pairs have been just what we needed at the time we needed it.

Make no mistake, I understand that the transition process is difficult and stressful for all parties involved. Our first priority as an organization is to prevent transitions from happening in the first place. Our mediation process encourages families and au pairs to work through issues and to resolve problems to keep matches together. LCCs offer an important resource for advice and mediation, and most problems and conflicts are resolved through LCC intervention. When it is determined that a family and au pair should separate, we thoroughly evaluate the case before proceeding with a new match for either host family or au pair. We assess the suitability of both parties for continued participation in the program. Every case is different, and every story has two sides. After our review, Cultural Care staff members ultimately make the final decision either to move forward or to remove an au pair or family from the program.

If a decision is made to match a transition au pair candidate with potential new host families, it is only after she/he undergoes a thorough re-screening process. We examine the details surrounding the reasons for the transition. We review LCC notes from mediations, exit interviews or personal conversations. Cultural Care program directors speak to the au pairs to understand their motivation level for continuing and set appropriate expectations for the rematch process. Cultural Care has a zero tolerance policy for conduct or behavior endangering the health and safety of host children or illegal activity of any kind. Finally, when a transition au pair enters the candidate pool to be considered for replacement, we have a policy of total transparency as to the reasons for transition. Families considering an “in country transfer” are given the full details of a candidate’s transition situation and provided with the contact information of an au pair’s previous families. When geographically possible we encourage a family to meet an in-country candidate in person.

The reasons for transitions are as varied as we are as families. Working with the au pair program as long as I have and reflecting on the experiences in our own home, I have come to understand that a “good” au pair is often times simply a matter of perspective. We have enjoyed some of our fondest moments as a family alongside our au pairs, and the care our sons received was top notch. If these six young women hadn’t been given the opportunity to succeed as an au pair even after their first placement, our lives may not have been enriched because of them. For reasons that I understand, they did not work out with their first families, but we consider ourselves lucky that our family was their second chance.